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Just For Laughs
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive." "Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!" "Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife." The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?” I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
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On This Day in History
May 26 Events: 1868 - The impeachment trial of President Andrew Johnson ends, with Johnson being found not guilty by one vote. 1889 - Opening of the first Eiffel Tower elevator to the public. 1896 - Charles Dow publishes the first edition of the Dow Jones Industrial Average. 1972 - The United States and the Soviet Union sign the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty.
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Famous Birthdays
May 26 Famous Birthdays: 1907 - John Wayne (Actor famous for westerns) 1926 - Miles Davis (Jazz Trumpeter) 1948 - Stevie Nicks (Singer with Fleetwood Mac) 1949 - Hank Williams Junior (Singer) 1951 - Sally Ride (Astronaut) 1964 - Lenny Kravitz (Singer) 1966 - Helena Bonham Carter (Actress)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
For our daughters 6th birthday we bought her a fish. We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced “the fish’s name is Sparingly.” “How do you know?” I asked “look” she responded “It says “Feed sparingly 3 times daily.”
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Betcha Didn't Know This!
They have a petrified buffalo hairball at the Texas Ranger Hall of Fame in Waco.
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On the Light Side
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation," said she. "And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "How about the opposite of woe?" The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
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Where Did This Come From?
REDNECK: To be a redneck isn't because anger makes your neck red at all. The term comes from the South, but it refers to anyone who works outdoors, especially in the farm fields, where after a while all that sun exposure gives you a very red neck (from bending over a lot in the fields). Since many wore hats that sheltered their faces, that left them all with red necks. After years of having sun-burned necks, skin just got darker, reddish and more crusty. So the term today, although termed for Southern farmers, can be another who works outdoors rather than in an office.