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1632 - Scientist Anthony van Leeuwenhoek was born in Delft, Holland. He created the first microscope lenses that were powerful enough to observe single-celled animals.
1836 - Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the phosphorous friction safety match.
1901 - Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years old.
1929 - In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million shares on the stock market. The day is known as "Black Tuesday."
1939 - Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first time in Wilmington, DE.
1940 - In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938.
1945 - The United Nations (UN) was formally established less than a month after the end of World War II. The Charter was ratified by China, France, the Soviet Union, the United Kingdom, the United States and by a majority of other signatories.
1949 - The cornerstone for the U.N. Headquarters was laid in New York City.
1962 - During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day.
1969 - Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 69-carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton presented the ring to Taylor several days later.
2001 - The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use of the Internet.
2001 - The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated.
2001 - NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully entered orbit around Mars.
2003 - In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde flight landed.
Sarah J. Hale 1788 - She wrote the poem "Mary Had A Little Lamb."
Bob Kane 1915 - Comic book artist, creator of Batman
J.P. Richardson (The Big Bopper) 1930
David Nelson 1936 - Actor
Jerry Edmonton 1946 - Musician (Steppenwolf)
Kevin Kline 1947 - Actor
B.D. Wong 1962 - Actor ("Law and Order: Special Victims Unit")
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers. She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?" This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours." The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing." "OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars. Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing." "There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
Funny Store Signs
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's when the fight started.....
A blonde buys a ticket and wins the lottery. She goes to claim it where the man verifies her ticket number. The blonde says, "I want my $20 million." To which the man replied, "No. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years." The blonde said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it." Again the man patiently explains that she would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The blonde, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!''
National Bologna Day
Date Celebrated : Always October 24
National Bologna Day is a full of baloney! Properly spelled Bologna, it is sometimes spelled "Baloney". It is pronounced like the latter spelling. Bologna is a sausage. It's commonly used as a luncheon meat. Mom and kids know it well.
When it comes to bologna, there definitely is variety. There is what you and I would call regular Bologna, German Bologna, Beef Bologna, Kosher Bologna, and more. Depending upon the kind of Bologna, it could include pork, beef, chicken, and spices. It's easy to enjoy National Bologna Day . Have a Bologna sandwich. Try fried bologna. And, don't forget the mustard. We certainly hope that at the end of National Bologna Day, that you are "full of Baloney"!
Courtesy of www.holidayinsights.com
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "80". My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?”
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found 'online.'
So, if inside your 'Inbox',
My Grandma you should see,
Please 'Copy', 'Scan', and 'Paste' her,
And send her back to me.
Never look down on a person unless you’re helping them up.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
I tried cooking supper up with wine tonight. After 3 glasses, I forgot why I was even in the kitchen.
Place a few drops of essential oil on the cardboard tube of a toilet roll to make your bathroom smell wonderful.
Incongruous adj. 1. Lacking in harmony; incompatible. 2. Not in agreement, as with principles; inconsistent. “A plan incongruous with reason.” 3. Not in keeping with what is correct, proper, or logical; inappropriate. “She showed incongruous behavior.”
Who’s there ?
African elephants have the longest pregnancy of any mammal — nearly two years long.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
My wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer.
The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
WAKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED Meaning: Waking up in a bad mood
History: The left side of the body or anything having to do with the left was often considered sinister. To ward off evil, innkeepers made sure the left side of the bed was pushed against a wall, so guests had no other option but to get up on the right side of the bed.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, 'Do you know him?' 'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale.