Just For Laughs
A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. "What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You idiot! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"
On This Day in History
December 13 Events: 1577 - Sir Francis Drake sets out from England on his round-the-world voyage. 1769 - Dartmouth College is founded 1862 - At the Battle of Fredericksburg, Confederate General Robert E. Lee defeats the Union Major General Burnside. 1949 - The Knesset votes to move the capital of Israel to Jerusalem. 1978 - The first Susan B. Anthony dollar enters circulation.
Famous Birthdays
DECEMBER 13 Famous Birthdays: 1818 - Mary Todd Lincoln (Wife of Abraham Lincoln) 1854 - Thomas Watson (Inventor with Alexander Graham Bell) 1925 - Dick van Dyke (Actor) 1948 - Ted Nugent (Guitarist) 1967 - Jamie Foxx (Actor) 1989 - Taylor Swift (Singer)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Alfred Hitchcock did not have a bellybutton.
On the Light Side
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
Where Did This Come From?
BAKER’S DOZEN: A baker’s dozen means thirteen. This old saying is said to come from the days when bakers were severely punished for baking underweight loaves. Some added a loaf to a batch of a dozen to be above suspicion.