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Just For Laughs
A woman watched a dog go into a butcher's shop. "What is it today?" asked the butcher. "Pork?" The dog shook its head. "Beef?" suggested the butcher. The dog shook its head. "Lamb chops?" tried the butcher. The dog wagged its tail excitedly. The butcher wrapped up two lamb chops, gave them to the dog and the dog trotted out. The same thing happened the following day and the woman was so intrigued that she decided to follow the dog out of the shop. She saw the dog walk up the steps to a house, stand on his hind legs and ring the doorbell with his nose. A man answered the door and immediately started shouting angrily at the dog. The woman was incensed. "You should be ashamed of yourself," she told the man. "That is the cleverest dog I've ever seen. He goes to the butcher's, fetches your dinner, brings it home and rings the doorbell. And you treat him like that!" "That's as maybe," said the man, "But it's the fourth time this week that he's forgotten his key."
On This Day in History
July 3 Events: 1775 - George Washington becomes commander of the Continental Army. 1819 - The Bank of Savings becomes the first savings bank in the US. 1863 - The Battle of Gettysburg ends. 1884 - The first stock average is posted by Dow Jones. 1890 - Idaho becomes the 43rd US State.
Famous Birthdays
July 3 Famous Birthdays: 1423 - Louis XI (King of France) 1947 - Dave Barry (Writer) 1956 - Montel Williams (TV talk show host) 1957 - Laura Branigan (Singer) 1962 - Tom Cruise (Actor) 1976 - Andrea Barber (Actress)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?” Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”
Betcha Didn't Know This!
The original IBM-PCs that had hard drives, referred to the hard drives as Winchester drives. This is due to the fact that the original Winchester drive had a model number of 3030. This is, of course, a Winchester firearm.
On the Light Side
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
Where Did This Come From?
UP TO SNUFF: Today the phrase means anything or anyone who isn't up to some sort of standard of quality. The origin in a way goes back to that also. Snuff is tobacco. And, in the old days men carried around pouches of it, with spoons and graters. Soon, commercial mixes got into the mainstream and so the real connoisseurs of smoking prided themselves on being able to tell the real, pure grade snuff from the commercial stuff. Someone who couldn't tell the difference between pure quality tobacco and the mixture was said to be "not up to snuff."