Just For Laughs
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The Policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, and how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with? Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
On This Day in History
August 16 Events: 1777 - British forces are defeated by American troops in the Battle of Bennington. 1930 - The first color cartoon with sound is made. It's called Fiddlesticks. 1960 - Joseph Kittinger parachutes from 102,800 feet. He sets three records: high-altitude jump, free-fall, and fastest speed by a human without an aircraft. 1977 - Elvis Presley dies at the age of 42.
Famous Birthdays
August 16 Famous Birthdays: 1913 - Menachem Begin (Prime Minister of Israel) 1953 - Kathy Lee Gifford (TV host) 1954 - James Cameron (Director of Titanic and Avatar) 1958 - Madonna (Singer) 1960 - Timothy Hutton (Actor) 1963 - Steve Carell (Actor) 1980 - Vanessa Carlton (Singer)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. His five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. .and unto the Sonnn . ...... and into the hole he gooooes."
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign, “Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.”
On the Light Side
A woman wanted to know whether she could take her new dog on board an airplane. The customer services assistant said it would be fine as long as she paid and provided her own kennel. “The kennel,” he added, “needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over.” The woman replied: “Oh dear, I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!”
Where Did This Come From?
RIGMAROLE: Edward I of England forced all noblemen to sign their allegiance to him. This list of those that did was called a "ragman's roll." Once the list was done, couriers were sent all over to publicly read this list. Well, doing this over and over was a bit tiring. So, at times the speech probably got muffled and hard to understand by those listening. So, the incoherency of hearing this list was called "the ragman's roll" which slurred turned into "rigmarole." And, the word eventually got used in society to mean a slurring of a lot of words that couldn't be understood, whether a list or just speech.