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Just For Laughs
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles und...er the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?" "No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"
On This Day in History
January 26 Events: 1915 - The Rocky Mountain National Park is formed 1340 - King Edward III of England is declared King of France. 1785 - Benjamin Franklin writes a letter to his daughter. 1837 - Michigan is admitted as the 26th U.S. state. 1841 - The United Kingdom formally occupies Hong Kong. 1934 - The Apollo Theater opens in Harlem, New York City. 2005 - Condoleezza Rice is sworn in as U.S. Secretary of State. 1788 - The first penal colony is founded at Botany Bay, Australia.
Famous Birthdays
January 26 Famous Birthdays: 1880 - Douglas MacArthur (US General) 1925 - Paul Newman (Actor) 1955 - Eddie Van Halen (Guitarist) 1958 - Ellen DeGeneres (Actress and Talk Show Host) 1958 - Anita Baker (Singer) 1961 - Wayne Gretzky (Hockey Player)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
A little girl and her older brother were visiting their grandfather's farm. The older brother decided to play a trick on his younger sister. He told her that he discovered a man-eating chicken. The girl was frightened, and ran inside in fear. Then the older brother heard his little sister scream. He ran inside immediately. She was screaming at their grandfather, who was chowing down on a plate of fried chicken. "What is it?" he asked. The sister turned to him in fear and said," It- it's- IT'S A MAN EATING CHICKEN!!!"
Betcha Didn't Know This!
A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
On the Light Side
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're full of nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after four nights, he proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but won't keep you there!
Where Did This Come From?
Why is shifting responsibility to someone else called 'passing the buck'? BECAUSE: In card games, it was once customary to pass an item, called a buck, from player to player to indicate whose turn it was to deal. If a player did not wish to assume the responsibility of dealing, he would 'pass the buck' to the next player.