Just For Laughs
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. Later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be .40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be .62."Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."
On This Day in History
September 30 Events: 1789 - The first U.S. Congress adjourns. 1829 - London's Metropolitan Police becomes the first official police department in the world. 1988 - NASA resumes space shuttle flights which had stopped after the Challenger disaster.
Famous Birthdays
September 30 Famous Birthdays: 1948 - Bryant Gumbel (TV Host) 1962 - Roger Bart (Actor) 1988 - Kevin Durant (Basketball Player)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one them should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked, "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Three small voices answered in unison: "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
Betcha Didn't Know This!
The lead in pencils, really graphite, is made of the exact same thing as diamonds. Both are pure carbon which just formed under different pressures and temperatures.
On the Light Side
One day a man passed by a ranch and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the rancher: "I think your horse looks pretty good, so I'll give you 0 for him." "He doesn't look so good, and he's not for sale," the rancher said. The man insisted, "I think he looks just fine and I'll up the price to ,000." "He doesn't look so good," the rancher said, "but if you want him that much, he's yours." The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the rancher and screamed, "You sold me a blind horse. You cheated me!" The rancher calmly replied, "I told you he didn't look so good, didn't I?"
Where Did This Come From?
COLD SHOULDER: If someone is said to give us the cold shoulder, this means that they are disregarding, dismissing or otherwise ignoring us and treating us with disrespect. We are not welcome in their presence. The origin of the term has been disputed over the years. However, one viable theory is that it came from serving an unwanted guest a cold shoulder of mutton that had been sitting out for a while, as opposed to a nice hot meal like the rest of the guests. Another theory is that it came from keeping one's back, or at least a shoulder, in between yourself and the unwanted person. In either case, it shows disdain and disregard and the message is clear.
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - I used to live in Hawaii on the island of Oahu and was the manager of a large tourist gift store. Customers would come up to me and see my manager name tag and ask. "Do you live here in Hawaii? I would respond . . . No, I commute back and forth from California every day.” Stay alert! They walk among us!