Just For Laughs
One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles the seat." "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?" "No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"
On This Day in History
September 20 Events: 1187 - The Siege of Jerusalem begins by the Muslim leader Saladin. 1893 - The first gasoline-powered automobile is demonstrated. 1973 - Singer and songwriter Jim Croce is killed in a plane crash.
Famous Birthdays
September 20 Famous Birthdays: 1917 - Red Auerbauch (Basketball coach) 1934 - Sophia Loren (Actress) 1939 - Anne Meara (Actress) 1951 - Guy Lafleur (Hockey Player) 1967 - Kristen Johnston (Actor)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
On the way back from a cub scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, "Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" After my son hemmed and hawed a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, "You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Haiti, a country that has been so badly deforested that you can tell where it borders the Dominican Republic by looking at a satellite image.
On the Light Side
An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a simple test. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for her problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “What’s for supper?” After no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Again at 10 feet away, still no response. Finally at 5 feet away “Honey what’s for supper?” She says “For the fourth time, LASAGNA!”
Where Did This Come From?
A FLY IN THE OINTMENT: A small but irritating flaw that spoils the whole. These days ointments are chiefly for medicinal use - just the thing for rubbing on that nasty rash. In earlier times, ointments were more likely to be creams or oils with a cosmetic or ceremonial use. Literally, ointment was the substance one was anointed with. There is considerable anointing in Bible stories and it isn't surprising therefore that this phrase has a biblical origin. Ecclesiastes 10:1 (King James Version) has: "Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savor: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honor."