Just For Laughs
We could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates and the rest of my half-gallon of Dryers Original Vanilla Bean ice-cream. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.
On This Day in History
March 4 Events: 1801 - Thomas Jefferson becomes the first US president inaugurated in Washington, DC. 1877 - The microphone is invented by Emile Berliner. 1902 - American Automobile Association (AAA) is established.
Famous Birthdays
March 4 Famous Birthdays: 1678 - Antonio Vivaldi (Composer) 1888 - Knute Rockne (Notre Dame Football coach) 1958 - Patricia Heaton (Actress) 1982 - Landon Donovan (Soccer Player) 1986 - Margo Harshman (Actress)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Daa-aad” “What” said the father. “I’m thirsty, can you bring me a drink of water?” “No, you had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later: “Daa-aaad” “What!?” I’m THIRSTY can I have a drink of water?” I told you “NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!” Five minutes later….”Daaaa-aaaaaaad….. When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Sioux Indian Chief Crazy Horse was called “Curly” as a child.
On the Light Side
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
Where Did This Come From?
RULE OF THUMB: This comes from the days when craftsmen used their thumbs for making rough measurements.
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - In Oregon, USA, a man lost control of his truck and crashed it into a utility pole carrying high voltage power lines. Later, he was found lying face-down beside his vehicle with a pair of pruning shears in his hands. Police speculated that he had reached up to clip the sparking cable lying across his truck.