Just For Laughs
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The Policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, and how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with? Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
On This Day in History
May 20 Events: 1570 - Cartographer Abraham Ortelius issues the first modern atlas. 1873 - A patent for blue jeans with copper rivets is issued to Levi Strauss. 1902 - Cuba gains independence from the United States. 1993 - The last episode of Cheers airs on TV.
Famous Birthdays
May 20 Famous Birthdays: 1768 - Dolly Madison (First Lady of the US) 1959 - Jimmy Stewart (Actor from It’s a Wonderful Life) 1971 - Tony Stewart (NASCAR Driver) 1972 - Busta Rhymes (Rapper) 1982 - David Cook (Singer - American Idol winner) 1993 - Caroline Zhang (Olympic ice skater)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Arnold Schonberg suffered from triskaidekaphobia, the fear of the number 13. He died at 13 minutes from midnight on Friday the 13th.
On the Light Side
to sing like a bird? That will never happen." "That's what you think! It just so happens this fish CAN sing. The thing is, he's terribly off-key and it's driving me crazy. Do you know how hard it is to tuna fish?"
Where Did This Come From?
THROW IN THE TOWEL: In old boxing days many bruised fighters couldn't get to their feet when the bell for the new round began. Their managers new they could do nothing but give up since they were too weak to continue. As a signal, one of them would toss in an article used to soak up blood -- a towel or sponge. Today's boxing regulations are meant to limit the brutality of the past. But the saying today meaning when you are forced to give up of "throwing in the towel" still remains.