Just For Laughs
I was at Costco, buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. (What did she think I had an elephant?) So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me. Well, I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
On This Day in History
April 23 Events: 1616 - William Shakespeare died. 1954 - Hank Aaron hits his first major league home run. 1956 - Elvis Presley makes his first appearance in Las Vegas, Nevada. 2001 - Intel introduces the Pentium 4 Processor
Famous Birthdays
April 23 Famous Birthdays: 1564 - William Shakespeare (Writer) 1791 - James Buchanan (15th US President) 1858 - Max Plank (Scientist) 1928 - Shirley Temple Black (Actress) 1936 - Roy Orbison (Singer) 1940 - Lee Majors (Actor) 1960 - Valerie Bertinelli (Actress) 1961 - George Lopez (Actor and comedian)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n' Mary.''
Betcha Didn't Know This!
The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.
On the Light Side
The President got off the helicopter in front of the White House, carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for the Senator Majority Leader and I got one for Speaker of the House." The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir."
Where Did This Come From?
FLYING COLORS: If a fleet won a clear victory the ships would sail back to port with their colors proudly flying from their masts.