Just For Laughs
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?' 'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me. 'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked. 'No, I don't waste time shopping,' she homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.' 'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked. 'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!' 'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.' The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.' I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.
On This Day in History
September 22 Events: 1980 - Iran is invaded by Iraq. 1991 - The Dead Sea Scrolls are made available to the public for the first time. 2004 - The first episode of the TV show Lost airs. September 22 - There are 100 days left in the year.
Famous Birthdays
September 22 Famous Birthdays: 1515 - Anne of Cleves (Queen of England) 1791 - Michael Faraday (Scientist) 1927 - Tommy Lasorda (Baseball Manager) 1958 - Joan Jett (Singer) 1961 - Bonnie Hunt (Actress) 1961 - Scott Baio (Actor) 1987 - Tom Felton (Actor - Harry Potter Movies)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
“Isn’t the principal a dummy?!” said a boy to a girl. “Well, do you know who I am?” asked the girl. “No.” replied the boy. “I’m the principal’s daughter.” said the girl. “And do you know who I am?” asked the boy. “No.” she replied. “Thank goodness!” said the boy with a sign of relief.
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Although English is its official language, only 1-2% of the population of Papua New Guinea actually speak it. As the most linguistically diverse country in the world, over 820 languages are spoken in or 12% of the world's total.
On the Light Side
An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Large war party," he says, "Maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many, many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "No," replies the Indian, "I can see under the gate."
Where Did This Come From?
GAD ZOOKS: An exclamation - a euphemistic shortening of God's hooks (the nails on the cross). As the meaning suggests, this was originally two words - gad's zooks, which was sometimes hyphenated and now almost always spelled as a single word. Gad was a common term used to avoid speaking the name of God. That taboo, although still influential amongst the devout, is now much weaker and the use of gad has diminished as a consequence. In the 17th century there was a choice of many such 'gad' words - gadsbobs, gadsbodikins, gadsbud, gadslid, gadsniggers, gadsnigs, gadsnouns, gadsokers, gadsookers, gadsprecious, gadswookers, gadswoons - gad pretty much anything you like. The only gad... form to have survived is gadzooks.