|MY KOOL FM|
1819 The bicycle is invented.
1977 Elvis Presley gives his last concert.
1979 Muhammad Ali retires from boxing.
1997 Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is first published.
1819 Abner Doubleday (Inventor of baseball)
1856 Chris Isaak (Singer)
1892 Pearl S. Buck (Author)
1961 Greg LeMond (Cyclist)
1970 Chris O'Donnell (Actor)
1974 Derek Jeter (Baseball Player)
1980 Michael Vick (Football Player)
This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorilla’s skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but he needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
An Australian tourist was sitting at the bar in an Irish pub when all of a sudden a guy yelled out "Number 43!", and all the other drinkers started laughing. A few minutes later another guy yelled out "Number 77!, and again everybody laughed. The Australian thought this was a bit odd, so he asked the barman what was going on. The barman said, "Well, it's like this - these people have been drinking here for years, and they all tell the same jokes. So a couple of years ago we decided to give each joke a number, and now when someone starts telling a joke, if you think you know what it is you call out the number and if people think it's a funny one they will laugh." The Aussie thought he'd give this a try. He waited until it was quiet and then stood up and shouted "Number 88!" and everybody laughed loudly and hysterically for ten minutes or more. People were falling over and crying with laughter. The pub was in uproar. The Aussie said to the barman, "So tell me, why did they laugh more at my joke than the others?" And the barman said, "Well, there are two reasons - First, it was a very funny joke, and, second, nobody had heard it before."
YOU TOLD ME I HAVE GREAT VEINS All I could get out was that I liked your tattoo as you hooked me up to an IV drip. I swear I don't always look so pale and color-less in the face. You were a very sweet EMT, and I just wanted to say thank you... and I think you are cute!
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus
National Catfish Day
It's National Catfish Day. It's a day to enjoy some tasty, fried catfish. Or, enjoy catfish cooked to your favorite recipe......yummy.
Guess who said: "More and more Americans are discovering a uniquely American food delicacy -- farm-raised catfish." For the author, read on below to the "Origin of National Catfish Day".
You should have no doubt what to do today. Enjoy a plateful of catfish, cooked anyway you want. Chances are, you will eat farm raised catfish, which supplies the vast majority of catfish to the U.S. market. But, wouldn't it be much more fun to fish in the morning, and catch the catfish you will eat?
The Origin of National Catfish Day: Yes, today is truly a National day! In 1987, President Ronald Reagan began a presidential proclamation with the words "More and more Americans are discovering a uniquely American food delicacy — farm-raised catfish."
Courtesy of www.holidayinsights.com
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from E-mail."
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones
are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual .....
Handle every Stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it ... Pee on it and walk away !”
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
--Ronald Reagan (1986)
It is impossible to lick your elbow. OK, go ahead and try!
ENJOY LIFE! IT HAS AN EXPIRATION DATE!
Slot the stick of a popsicle through a cupcake liner to prevent drips on little fingers.
Gregarious adj. 1. Seeking and enjoying the company of others; sociable. “She is a gregarious, outgoing person.”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the cops, open up!
Hippos secrete a red oily substance from their skin that acts as sunblock and a moisturizer.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?
It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.
Coca-Cola was originally green.es
Giant clams can really live up to their name. One found on the Great Barrier Reef near Australia was over 3 feet across and weighed more than 560 pounds!
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
KLEENEX: Cold Storage.
Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR!
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. "Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!" The room was very quiet. Finally, Larry, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" asked the instructor. "Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At a session, last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Well, I've a-tried to treat-a her nice, spend the money on her, but best is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th anniversary!" The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary." Luigi proudly replied, "I'm a-gonna go to get her."