Just For Laughs

At a nursing home a group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee." "I couldn't even mark an 'X' at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third. "What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you! said a fourth. "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fifth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.” "My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy I can hardly walk!" exclaimed another. "I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said an elderly gent. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement. "Count your blessings," said one woman happily, "Thankfully, we can all still drive."

On This Day in History

October 7 Events: 1542 - Explorer Cabrillo first finds Catalina Island off California coast. 1769 - Captain Cook, an English explorer, discovers New Zealand. 1916 - In the most lopsided victory in American college football, Georgia Tech defeats Cumberland University 222-0. 1942 - The establishment of the United Nations War Crimes Commission is made by Britain and the US. 1951 - The third government of Israeli is formed by David Ben-Gurion. 1984 - NFL running back Walter Payton breaks Jim Brown's career rushing record. 1996 - The Fox News Channel is introduced. 2003 - California governor Gray Davis is recalled from office and replaced by Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Famous Birthdays

OCTOBER 7 Famous Birthdays: 1885 - Niels Bohr (Scientist) 1931 - Bishop Desmond Tutu (South African Leader) 1952 - Vladimir Putin (Russian President) 1955 - Yo Yo Ma (Cellist) 1959 - Simon Cowell (American Idol Judge) 1968 - Toni Braxton (Singer) 1976 - Taylor Hicks (American Idol Winner) 1979 - Shawn Ashmore (Actor - X-Men)

Betcha Didn't Know This!

Lake Superior, one of the five Great Lakes between the U.S. and the border of Canada, is a freshwater lake with the largest surface area, and it’s so big it has waves!

Kids Say the Darnest Things

Brittany (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: “How does it know it’s me?”

On the Light Side

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis...I don't know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had.

Where Did This Come From?

BREAK THE ICE: To break off a conflict or commence a friendship. Origin: Back when road transportation was not developed, ships would be the only transportation and means of trade. At times, the ships would get stuck during the winter because of ice formation. The receiving country would send small ships to “break the ice” to clear a way for the trade ships. This gesture showed affiliation and understanding between two territories.

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. Stay alert! They walk among us!