Wednesday, June 19, 2024
Just For Laughs
She walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post. As she stood there, brushing dust from her face, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a whiskey bottle in the other. The gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey, woman, have you ever danced?” The old woman looked up and said, “No, never did dance never really wanted to.” A crowd gathered as the gunslinger said, “Well, you’re gonna dance now!” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet. Not wanting to get her toes blown off, the old woman starting hopping around. Everyone was laughing. When his gun was empty, the young gunslinger holstered his gun and turned to go back to the saloon. The woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a shotgun and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks made the crowd stop laughing. The gunslinger heard the sounds and turned around very slowly. The gunman stared at the old woman and at those twin barrels. The shotgun never wavered in the woman’s hands as she said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s backend?” The gunman swallowed hard and said, “No, Ma’am…BUT…I’ve always wanted to!”
On This Day in History
June 19 Events: 1862 - The U.S. Congress passes law that prohibits slavery. 1912 - The US official establishes an eight-hour work day. 1948 - The first stock car race sanctioned by NASCAR. 1978 - The comic strip Garfield begins.
Famous Birthdays
June 19 Famous Birthdays: 1566 - James I (King of England) 1623 - Blaise Pascal (Mathematician) 1897 - Moe Howard (Leader of the Three Stooges) 1903 - Lou Gehrig (Baseball player) 1954 - Kathleen Turner (Actress) 1963 - Paula Abdul (Singer and singing judge) 1978 - Dirk Nowitzki (Basketball Player) 1987 - Rashard Mendenhall (NFL Football player)
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours.
Kids Say the Darnest Things
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking all this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
On the Light Side
A man goes into a pet shop and sees a beautiful parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to its right leg. "What are those strings for?" he asks the store owner. "This is a highly trained creature," the owner explains. "If you pull the red string, he speaks Spanish and if you pull the green string he speaks French." "What happens if you pull both strings at the same time?" the man asks. "I fall off my perch, you idiot!" squawks the parrot.
Where Did This Come From?
TO SMELL A RAT: The saying means to feel that someone or something is suspicious in nature. The source goes back to the use of dogs in large mansions and palaces to warn of rats. Apparently, it's believed that a dog who suddenly stirred could smell a rat. (No one considered maybe the dog had a keen sense of hearing too and could hear the scratching?) Anyway, whenever a dog suddenly jerked from lying on the carpet or whatever, people would say that "he smelled a rat." Soon, society used the phrase anytime someone got suspicious.
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - While working at a pizza parlor I heard a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone. The cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6 He thought about it before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'