Join our Welcoming Committee along a Fossils To Fall Road Trip
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Just For Laughs
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me pass gas."
On This Day in History
August 7 Events: 1990 - Fun Date: At 12:34:56 the time and date was 12:34:56 7/8/90 i.e. 1234567890. 2004 - Pitcher Greg Maddux won his 300th baseball game. 2005 - Peter Jennings, ABC news anchor, dies of cancer.
Famous Birthdays
August 7 Famous Birthdays: 1742 - Nathanael Greene (Revolutionary General) 1942 - Garrison Keillor (Writer) 1960 - David Duchovney (Actor) 1975 - Charlize Theron (Actress) 1987 - Sidney Crosby (Hockey player)
Betcha Didn't Know This!
Jim Hogg, the governor of Texas from 1891 to 1895, named his only daughter “Ima.”
Kids Say the Darnest Things
Two little boys were known troublemakers, stealing everything they could get their hands, even from the church. One day a priest stopped one of the boys and asked, "Where is God?" The boy shrugged and the priest repeated, "Where is God?" The boy ran out of the cathedral crying to his home where he hid in a closet. Eventually his brother found him and asked, "What's wrong?" The crying boy replied, "We're in trouble now! God is missing and they think we took him!"
On the Light Side
A pastor gets a new set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his teeth, he talks for only 8 minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only 10 minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation mobs him to get him down from the pulpit, and they ask him what happened. The pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, by mistake he put his wife's teeth in and couldn't stop talking.
Where Did This Come From?
THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND: Basically this means to be drunk. The origin comes from sailors. Ships sailed best when all 4 sets of sails and all 4 masts were working. Sometimes, the 4th set didn't work or didn't get set up in time. When a ship was using 3 sets of sails and masts, the ship was in trouble if a gale hit them. A tossing and turning ship was similar to a drunk. So, someone who was drunk and walking rather wobbly soon was called "3 sheets (sails) to the wind."
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - A middle-aged thief sat quietly through the Sunday service at All Saints Cathedral in Nairobi. But when the offering basket was passed, fellow worshippers were astonished to see him stashing handfuls of the money in his pockets. Realizing he had been spotted, the thief fled from the church and onto a busy highway, where a speeding bus killed him. The cause of death? An act of God. The moral? Don't annoy the ruler of the universe, or you just may wind up with an Idiot Award.