Just For Laughs

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. "What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You idiot! It's one-fifteen in the morning!"

On This Day in History

December 8 Events: 1609 - Biblioteca Ambrosiana opens its reading room, the second public library of Europe. 1941 - After the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor the U.S. Congress passes a declaration of war against Japan. 1980 - Beatle John Lennon is killed in New York City. 1993 - The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) is signed into law by US President Bill Clinton.

Famous Birthdays

DECEMBER 8 Famous Birthdays: 1542 - Mary Queen of Scots (became queen at 6 days old) 1943 - Jim Morrison (Singer for The Doors) 1953 - Kim Basinger (Actress) 1964 - Teri Hatcher (Actress) 1977 - Ryan Newman (NASCAR Driver) 1985 - Dwight Howard (Basketball Player)

Betcha Didn't Know This!

The youngest signer of the Declaration of Independence was 26-year-old Edward Rutledge. The oldest signer was Benjamin Franklin. He was 70. Most of the signers were in their 30s and 40s.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

Nine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Aaron, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

On the Light Side

A man was in front of me at the cashier paying his bill. The man handed over a ten for his bill of .08. “Do you have 8 cents?” the lady cashier asked. After fishing in his pants, the man replied “Sorry, I have no cents.” “Finally”, she muttered, ”A man who can admit it.”

Where Did This Come From?

Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'? BECAUSE: In France, where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'the egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (naturally), mispronounced it 'love.'

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - As a police officer I quite often found myself working a car accident involving more than one car that required some traffic direction. It never failed that at least one of the vehicles moving through the accident scene would slow down by me and ask "What happened?" DUH! Stay alert! They walk among us!