Join our Welcoming Committee along a Fossils To Fall Road Trip
Just For Laughs
DEFINITION OF A COW - A big city school boy describes a cow something like this: A cow is a completely automatic milk manufacturing machine. It is encased in untanned leather and mounted on four vertical, moveable supports, one on each corner. The front end contains the cutting and grinding mechanism, as well as the headlights, air inlet and exhausted, a bumper and foghorn. At the rear is the dispensing apparatus and an automatic fly swatter. The central portion consists of four fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network of flexible plumbing. This section also contains the heating plant complete with automatic temperature controls, pumping station and main ventilation system. The waste disposal apparatus is located at the rear of this central section. In brief, the externally visible features are: two lookers, two hookers, four stand-uppers, four hanger-downers and a swishy-wishy. (There is a similar machine known as a Bull, which should not be confused with a cow. It produces no milk, but has other interesting uses.)
On This Day in History
June 12 Events: 1859 - The Comstock Lode is discovered near Virginia City, Nevada. 1939 - Opening of the Baseball Hall of Fame Cooperstown, New York. 1987 - President Ronald Reagan challenges Mikhail Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. 1991 - Russians elect Boris Yeltsin as the president of their new republic.
Famous Birthdays
June 12 Famous Birthdays: 1924 - George Bush (41st US President) 1929 - Anne Frank (Wrote diary of hiding from the Nazis)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, the minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. His five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. .and unto the Sonnn . ...... and into the hole he gooooes."
Betcha Didn't Know This!
During your lifetime, you will produce enough saliva to fill two swimming pools.
On the Light Side
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk." The wasted man asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."
Where Did This Come From?
HANKY-PANKY: Refers to anyone fooling around, or some underhanded business deal, etc. The phrase originates back to magicians who would wave hankies around to misdirect the attention of the audience from what was really going on. Just like magicians would rhyme words like "hocus pocus", the "panky" got added to just make a rhyme.
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open! His reply, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!