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Just For Laughs
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay 0,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of 00." "Now," he concluded, "Which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
On This Day in History
May 14 Events: 1607 - Jamestown, Virginia, is settled as an English colony. 1796 - The first smallpox vaccination is administered. 1804 - The Lewis and Clark Expedition departs on its historical journey. 1948 - Israel declared to be an independent state. 1955 - Eight communist bloc countries, including the Soviet Union, sign a treaty called the Warsaw Pact. 1973 - Skylab, the United States' first space station, is launched. 1998 - The last episode of Seinfeld airs on NBC.
Famous Birthdays
May 14 Famous Birthdays: 1944 - George Lucas (Director) 1952 - Rober Zemeckis (Director) 1969 - Cate Blanchett (Actress) 1983 - Amber Tamblyn (Actress) 1984 - Mark Zuckerberg (Founder of Facebook) 1993 - Miranda Cosgrove (Actress from iCarly)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
Harry got up in front of the class and read his book report aloud. When he finished, the teacher said, “That was very good, and I am so glad you didn’t tell us what happens at the end.” “Well,” said Harry proudly, “I figured if they wanted to know the ending, they could do what I did and rent the movie.”
Betcha Didn't Know This!
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
On the Light Side
Jeremy, a tourist on holiday from California, climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, 'Excuse me, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?' 'What?' the man huffed bad temperedly. 'Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?' 'Well no,' Jeremy uttered, 'I hadn't realized that. But listen, I'm really in a hurry so I'm going to have to trust you anyway.'
Where Did This Come From?
AXE TO GRIND: Benjamin Franklin published a lot of stories, one of which he was the central character. Franklin was approached by a stranger who stopped to admire the family grindstone. He asked to be shown how it worked and offered Ben Franklin an ax to demonstrate. Once his ax was sharp the stranger walked off laughing. Today "having an ax to grind" means that someone has a selfish or mean motive behind their actions. It also means to have a grudge or dispute with someone in which that person seeks some confrontation, justice or reciprocated action. This can be openly known or a hidden agenda, also.
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 AM, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Stay alert! They walk among us!