Just For Laughs

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked "Aren't you afraid of me?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."

On This Day in History

October 22 Events: 1746 - Princeton University receives its charter. 1797 - The first recorded parachute jump takes place. 1836 - Sam Houston is inaugurated as the first President of the Republic of Texas. 1883 - The Metropolitan Opera House opens in New York City.

Famous Birthdays

OCTOBER 22 Famous Birthdays: 1734 - Daniel Boone (American Pioneer) 1952 - Jeff Goldblum (Actor) 1963 - Brian Boitano (Figure Skater) 1964 - Toby Mac (Singer - DC Talk) 1982 - Heath Miller (Football Player) 1985 - Zachary Hanson (Singer - Hanson)

Betcha Didn't Know This!

The bristle-cone pine, which grows in the deserts of Nevada and California, is the oldest living species in the United States. Some are believed to be 4600 years old and can live to be 5,500 years old.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

A 5th grade English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Alec!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?" "Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!"

On the Light Side

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "They ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothing" the beachcomber said. "The sharks got them."

Where Did This Come From?

BY THE SHORT HAIRS: Being in such a strategically advantageous position that you can bend another person to your will. The history behind "By the short hairs" is a strange one as the phrase (as it's used today) really has no history. The earliest documented usage of the phrase can be found in a novel written by Rudyard Kipling. His short nonfiction story, The Drums of the Fore and Aft had this quote: "They'll shout and carry on like this for five minutes. Then they'll rush in, and then we've got 'em by the short hairs!" It's explained elsewhere in the story that the hair being pulled is the hair on the back of the neck.

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - A middle-aged thief sat quietly through the Sunday service at All Saints Cathedral in Nairobi. But when the offering basket was passed, fellow worshippers were astonished to see him stashing handfuls of the money in his pockets. Realizing he had been spotted, the thief fled from the church and onto a busy highway, where a speeding bus killed him. The cause of death? An act of God. The moral? Don't annoy the ruler of the universe, or you just may wind up with an Idiot Award.