Join our Welcoming Committee along a Fossils To Fall Road Trip
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Just For Laughs
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The Policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, and how would you recognize him?" The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with? Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? "That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
On This Day in History
May 18 Events: 1804 - Napoleon Bonaparte is proclaimed Emperor of France. 1910 - The Earth passes through the tail of Comet Halley. 1980 - Mount St. Helens volcano erupts in Washington. 2004 - Randy Johnson pitches a perfect game.
Famous Birthdays
May 18 Famous Birthdays: 1048 - Omar Khayyam (Persian poet and scientist) 1920 - Pope John Paul II 1946 - Reggie Jackson (Baseball Player) 1952 - George Strait (Country singer) 1970 - Tina Fey (Comedienne and actress on 30 Rock) 1983 - Vince Young (Football Player)
Kids Say the Darnest Things
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
Betcha Didn't Know This!
According to Metropolitan Life Insurance, major league baseball players live significantly longer than the average male – especially if you are a third baseman.
On the Light Side
A guy going into a restaurant wearing is met by a waiter who tells him he must wear a tie to eat there. The guy goes out to his car and looks around for a necktie. He doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to tie a smart looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant where the waiter stares at his tie for a moment and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
Where Did This Come From?
HANDS DOWN: This basically means to score a victory without much work. One version is with horse racing the jockey doesn't even have to lift his hands to guide his horse if he's way out in front. Another one is for boxing in which the opponent is a pushover and so the winner doesn't even have to raise his hands to protect himself.
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - September 1999 saw conflict in Jerusalem of an unusual nature, or so the Darwin Awards claim. Israel’s government switched from daylight savings time a year early to accommodate pre-sunrise prayers, while the Palestinian Authority refused to live on “Zionist time”. A group of Palestinians attempted to synchronize the detonation of two car bombs in the city. But the timers had been set on Palestinian time while the drivers were running on Israeli time. The bombs exploded an hour early, killing both.