Just For Laughs

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. “There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us,” he announced. “Since I’m the pilot, I get one!” After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. ”I’m the world’s greatest athlete,” proclaimed Michael Jordon. “This world needs great athletes, so I must live.” Michael Jordon then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane. ”I’m the smartest man in the world,” bragged Bill Gates. “The world needs smart men, so I must also live!” Bill Gates grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane. At this point, the Pope began to speak. “I have lived a long life compared to you, and you may take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.” ”You don’t have to stay here! The world’s smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack.”

On This Day in History

January 17 Events: 1773 - Captain James Cook becomes the first explorer to cross the Antarctic Circle. 1819 - Simon Bolivar proclaims the Republic of Colombia. 1916 - The Professional Golfers Association (PGA) is formed. 1917 - The United States buys the Virgin Islands. 1973 - Ferdinand Marcos becomes President for Life"" of the Philippines."

Famous Birthdays

January 17 Famous Birthdays: 1706 - Benjamin Franklin (US Founding father) 1820 - Anne Bronte (Author) 1899 - Al Capone (Gangster) 1931 - James Earl Jones (Actor) 1942 - Muhammed Ali (Boxer) 1949 - Andy Kaufman (Actor and Performer) 1962 - Jim Carrey (Actor) 1971 - Kid Rock (Singer and Rapper) 1983 - Dwayne Wade

Betcha Didn't Know This!

Alfred Hitchcock did not have a bellybutton.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

For our daughters 6th birthday we bought her a fish. We couldn’t help laughing when on the way she announced “the fish’s name is Sparingly.” “How do you know?” I asked “look” she responded “It says “Feed sparingly 3 times daily.”

On the Light Side

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.

Where Did This Come From?

CROCODILE TEARS: These are an insincere display of grief or sadness. It comes from the old belief that a crocodile wept (insincerely!) if it killed and ate a man.

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.